When you catch yourself telling yourself that your child never cleans up his room or never listens to you, try to prove yourself wrong. Find evidence to the contrary - that he does sometimes put his dirty clothes in the hamper, and does sometimes do what you want him to do. Faced with evidence to the contrary, you can change your relationship with your child by changing your self talk. You can correct your self talk by saying instead he sometimes cleans up after himself, or sometimes does what you ask.
Your child (and you) will notice the difference. It will move your relationship towards one that focuses on the behavior you want instead of the behavior you don't want. It will encourage both of you towards a more healthy, objective, and better-feeling relationship.
Focusing on what you don't want often leads to more of the same negative behavior. Focusing on what you do want builds bridges instead of walls between you and your child.
Bridges feel a whole lot better than walls to both you and your child.
Enjoy your bridge with your child!
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